No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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