She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
