mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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