He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
