UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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