Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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