My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
