I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
