OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
