I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing