Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
