I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
