if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
