Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
