Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
