toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
