I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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