You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I smell stomach acid.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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