I don't think brook has ever known best
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
