We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
