Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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