she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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