Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
