38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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