We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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