she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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