Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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