you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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