Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
