Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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