i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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