is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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