At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
