A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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