Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
