i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
