I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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