Someone shit on the floor
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
