I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
