3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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