I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
