apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
