She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
