Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
