She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
