they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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