every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
