i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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