I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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