Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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