I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If I had your ass I would rule the world
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
