Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
