I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
