just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
