Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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