I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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