dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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