I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize