arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
