i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
