So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
