Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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