so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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