I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
