you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The ass gains better be worth it
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