Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
50% drunk capacity currently
Randomize
