I wish my penis had an off switch
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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