My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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