Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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