She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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