Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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