In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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