Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
